How Old Are You Again?
I feel like it's time to just jump into the awkward, dark pit that is my dating life. We've kind of been skirting around it and I think it's time to go for it because I got some good ones. We're a couple of months in right now and I feel like ya'll have been waiting to hear about the many adventures in the dating world that I have had (or maybe not...) So here we go! First round goes to Bruno, a handsome hunk of Parisian man, that taught me a lesson in why you have to ask people their age.
It all started when...
I was just dead set on making it the last 200 feet to my apartment and really wasn't paying attention to anything else, so imagine my surprise when this super attractive guy walks up to me speaking French. Now, this guy was so so so cute! Dark blonde hair, blue eyes, fit bod, like YAS bae me up and speak all the French to me! I literally heard nothing he said, so I take off my Beats and my hood so I can hear him. We have kind of a simple convo in French (points for me, this was also like 2 months into my emersion program, so I was doin' the thing) which basically consists of him telling me that I was very beautiful and asking if I lived in this area. I said thank you and that I lived in this district, but only for a short time since I'm studying abroad. He asked me where I was from and when I said I was American, he started speaking English. We talked for a little while and exchanged names (his name was Bruno) and numbers. After that, we just texted flirtatiously back and forth, nothing serious.
Um, You're How Old?
Bruno texted me on one random Thursday night, maybe like 2 weeks after we met, to get coffee at a café that's literally down the street from me, and I said yes (mostly because I had a Finance test the next day, and that gave me an excuse if I needed to abort mission). So with the confidence of Kim Coleman and fueled by the worried texts I was receiving from my best friend (shout out to Camille), I walked my way down the street to meet Bruno.
So he bought me coffee which is instantly a plus in my eyes, and we got to talking just about life and how I liked Paris so far, the different slang we used, blah blah blah and then we left the café and took a walk. It was like 6 o'clock, and he suggested that we go back to his apartment, and I said yes. I can hear you all screaming at me through the laptop and I would like to say sorry to my mom, who I'm sure is actually calling me right now to scream at me for being reckless. But I kept multiple people (including my roomies) up-to-date with my whereabouts (which I know, this doesn't make it any better, like hello haven't I seen the movie Taken like a thousand times?).
SO we went back to his place, which was like 100 feet walking distance from mine, and we sat on the couch and talked some more (there may have been some kissing, again sorry mom!). He talked to me about his business, and how he restores houses and all this cool stuff, and I'm sitting here kind of confused like "how are you so freaking accomplished? You can't be more than like 26 years-old." So I woman up and ask Bruno like hey you're not in school right? Because you have an actual job that seems to take up a majority of your time, and he was all "No I haven't been in school for a while." This worried me because what does "a while" mean? Like 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades...So I asked him a simple question: "Bruno how old are you?" And he replied that he is 34 years old.
THIRTY-FREAKING-FOUR YEARS OLD!!!! I was absolutely shook! Like I made out with a 34 year-old! I about died. My shock was definitely obvious because he then asked me how old I was. I said I was 20 (which I was) and that I was high-key shook that there was a freaking 14 year age difference between us! The worst part is that he still tried to get it after I told him this. We aren't even gonna get into the fact about how I told him I was a virgin and wasn't interested in him trying to give my inexperienced butt a lesson in anatomy. I mean in his defense he thought I was like 23/24, but then like dude, you were gonna bang a girl 10 years your junior? Like I'm barely in my third year of college.
It's safe to say that I made my Finance test excuse and got out of there (which honestly thank God because this could have been a very different story). Though my hasty exit didn't stop him from still texting me on a weekly basis for about 3 weeks after that...
Long story short always always always ask his age or else your 20 year-old self will be kissin' up on a 34 year old. Unless you're into much older guys. Then, by all means, you do you. I mean I can't blame you because Bruno was hella fine.